in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
