I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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