I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Randomize
