So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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