Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
