ugly people sure do ruin things
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
