just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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