She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
