She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
