You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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