Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
