After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
