When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
