Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize