The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
