hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
