You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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