I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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