$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize