theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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