To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize