my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
