My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
