Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
