Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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