it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i've created a new STD.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
