After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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