he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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