you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
