u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
