No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
