I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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