do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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