If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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