I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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