come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
