I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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