I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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