i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
