Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
