literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
