If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize