So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The air was thick with penises
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
