he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
