Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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