SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
