I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize