i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Everything about him screamed your future.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
