I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
