You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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