would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
