you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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