Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
