You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
