Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he was CRYING into my vagina
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
