Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
this will be a night to untag.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
