he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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