I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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