I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
