dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
