i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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