I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
