Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
