New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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