haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
