Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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