our cab driver is having phone sex.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I want to fling myself into the sun
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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