I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
