i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
