So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
