Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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