Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
